also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
