so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
