I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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