You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
