remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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