I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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