Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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