I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
