That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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