it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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