I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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