Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
