I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
