Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize