The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
