I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
