I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
