I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
