You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
