thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
