my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
