how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize