I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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