would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
