I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize