I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
