So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
