Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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