you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
