he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
