my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
