I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
