It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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