We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
be right there i have to get my cape
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
