Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So squirting runs in the family.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
