sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
