Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
