I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
