yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
