dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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