ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
