I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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