he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
