Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
