we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
