good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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