thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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