He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
