i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
smell my finger.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
