drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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