mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Alive.
So much puke
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize