my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
