Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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