Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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