at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
