She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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