is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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