I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
