he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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