I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
