i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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