why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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