You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
