I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
