I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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