Michael Bay diarrhea
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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