yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
