Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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