I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He passed out mid-signature
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
