I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
