Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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