so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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