Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
