i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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