Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
