there's paper in my vomit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
third nipple confirmed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
