Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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