Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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